


A.H. 101

by hazyhoola



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Attempt at Humor, First Time, Haikyuu - Freeform, I forgot how to tag, M/M, MSBY, Not Beta Read, OmiHina, Post-Time Skip, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:55:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27958754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hazyhoola/pseuds/hazyhoola
Summary: The sound of keys dangling from their doorstep startles them and Kiyoomi gives a menacing look to his fellow roommates to not  say one more word because Shouyou is back...
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 5
Kudos: 145





	A.H. 101

**Author's Note:**

> I recently saw a clip of the big bang theory and I believe that Kiyoomi and Sheldon would be friends, so I whipped this up with no actual thoughts in mind.

With his arms crossed on his chest, Sakusa’s standing in front of Bokuto and Atsumu behind their apartment’s kitchen countertop with an unrecognizable expression on his face. 

“What ya need us for, Omi-kun?” Atsumu breaks the silence, “and why are we doing this without Shouyou-kun? Isn’t this the weekly roommates assembly thingy?” 

Kiyoomi lifted his index finger, signalling Atsumu to stop his parade of questions, “Shush your mouth, Miya. I’m here to ask for both of your inputs about something.” 

“Really?!” Bokuto beams on his chair like a child that was asked if he wants an ice cream, well you can’t blame him because it’s really rare for the Sakusa Kiyoomi to request something from them. 

“So, Hinata’s birth—”

“Ya still call yer boyfriend with his surname?” Atsumu interrupts and cuts Sakusa off before he could even form a sentence, “Omi-kun, it’s okay to call him honey, baby, sweetie, sug—”

With killing intent in mind, Kiyoomi glared at his blond teammate, making the boy sweat, uncomfortable, and stop his mouth from talking; doing a zipping motion on his lips. 

“As I was saying, Hinata’s birthday is coming up and I’ve come up with three options on what to give him, so I need your uh… opinions for this matter.”

“Fire them away, Omi-Omi.” 

It’s not like Kiyoomi ever stands with a bad posture, yet he straightened his back before he started listing all his gift ideas for his beloved boyfriend, Hinata Shouyou, who’s currently not in their apartment for unknown reasons. (Sakusa asked him to buy a pack of wipes and hand sanitizers, that’s it.)

“First is a new set of knives from Shun because he loves cooking,” Sakusa paused waiting for someone to reply on his initial suggestion, “go on, Miya, I know you want to say something.”

Atsumu did an unzipping motion and breathed out loudly, “Well, does he really need a new set of _knives_ and from Shun? Samu bought them last month and it’s hella expensive, and what if you fight, it can slice through you, Omi-kun, think about it.”

“Hinata’s not a serial killer and you should really stop watching crime-centered documentaries,” Kiyoomi rolled his eyes, already tired of listening to Atsumu’s crap, “and isn’t an expensive object, the better, because the quality is much superb than the others?”

“You’re not wrong there, Omi-Omi, however, we all know that Shouyou is not that materialistic.” Bokuto reminds them, which gather agreeing nods from both Kiyoomi and Atsumu. 

“Fine, so my next idea is an all-expense paid trip to Rio. I think he misses it badly and the people there, so yeah. What can you say?”

“That sounds better. Ya two can bond and spend more quality time together and ya can finally learn how to play beach volleyball.” Atsumu said with his thumb caressing his chin. 

“No, it’s just for him. I hate the beach, public spaces, and people, why would I torture myself with those things? Use your head, Miya.”

Bokuto wants to say something, but he chose to keep his mouth shut and instead he asked for Sakusa’s third and final option.

With a straight face, Kiyoomi drops a bomb, “Coitus with Hinata.”

Atsumu drops his hydro flask full of water he has been holding since from the beginning of their conversation (that the author didn’t mention for comedic purposes, but greatly failed), while Bokuto squints his eyes with pure confusion written on his face, “Coitus?” 

As a kind roommate, Atsumu leaned in closer to Bokuto’s ear and whispered the meaning of the word Kiyoomi used.

“Sex?!” Bokuto gasped.

“Yes, sex.” Atsumu nodded his head, still whispering.

“As in sexual intercourse?”

“Yes, Bokuto.” this time it’s Kiyoomi who confirmed Kotaro’s inquisition. 

Pure disbelief is reflecting on both of Atsumu and Bokuto’s faces; they never imagined that the day would come where Sakusa would initiate physical intimacy with anybody that involves exchange of bodily fluids.

_It’s another Hinata Shouyou miracle._

“Then that’s it! It’s time to wear your freak shoes on, Omi-kun! Go get laid.”

“Ah, yes about that,” Kiyoomi paused and coughed, “are there tips you can umm— give me?” unusual as it may sound, but the raven haired man is actually bashful on what he’s asking about.

“I don’t kiss and tell what me and Keiji do in bed.”

“It depends on your partner’s preferences, Omi-kun, so it’s better you ask Shou-kun about that,” Atsumu suddenly smiled and remembered something, “but I heard he’s good in bed, you don’t need to sweat about it.”

“How did you know that?”

“Uh— connections, connections that you don’t have, Omi-kun.” Kiyoomi grimaced, while the setter flashed a fake grin on his face before Sakusa could ask another question, “and prepping is the key.”

Bokuto seconded Atsumu's previous statement.

“First, you need to clean the inside of his or _your_ as—”

“Let me stop you right there,” Kiyoomi shoved his palm on Atsumu’s face, “I can just search for that, so stop.”

The sound of keys dangling from their doorstep startles them and Kiyoomi gives a menacing look to his fellow roommates to not say one more word because Shouyou is back from his _sudden_ errand. 

“I’m back!” Shouyou announced as he entered their apartment, “Oh, you’re all here, are we doing the weekly roommate assembly right now?”

“No, we just uh— talked about how better Osamu is than Atsumu.”

Miya frowned on Sakusa’s lame excuse, _why is it always him getting thrown under the bus at times like this_ , he thought to himself. 

“That’s kinda mean,” Hinata pouted, “they’re both great on their respective fields—”

Suddenly Atsumu’s eyes light up, ready to hug his smaller teammate, “ Shouyou-ku—”

“But Osamu can both cook and play volleyball, yet this fake blondie here can’t even make a decent toast.” Kiyoomi interjects.

“Hey! I can make one if I try my best.”

Shouyou gestured his hand to Atsumu, “See?”

* * *

Sakusa knows that Hinata already had his fair share of experience since he went to Brazil for two years, and he’s definitely sure that Shouyou can handle him, however he doesn’t want to be that naive when it comes to bed. He doesn’t want to be the first guy that won’t make Hinata happy during intercourse. 

His entire life, he never imagined he would kiss anyone because just the thought of having someone else’s saliva on his lips and mouth already makes him want to gag, but it all changed when he fell in love with Shouyou.

Of course, it took a bit of time before he allowed Hinata to touch him, and by touching, Sakusa means hugging, holding hands, cuddling, and yes, kissing as well. Shouyou never forced him to do anything that makes him uncomfortable and he really appreciates that. Being outside of his comfort zone is truly a shock for him, but being able to be physically intimate with his lover is _heaven_. 

As a sign of gratitude and love, Sakusa came up with the conclusion that giving himself and initiating an act of love could be a great way to show it. 

Now, he’s in his bed, scrolling on his phone and lurks on every search engine about ‘prepping your ass for your first anal sex’ and unfortunately, tons of gay porn videos also showed up. Kiyoomi knows what sex is, what he doesn’t know is what to expect and what it’ll probably feel like having someone’s dick inside an ass or vice versa. 

He’s not even sure on whose dick will be inside on whose ass for that matter. 

Despite those, he chose to click the one that says ‘Anal Hygiene: A Sexpert’s Guide on How To Prep for Anal’. The interface is not that tacky nor screams something sexual. A chalkboard style animation greeted him with the words ‘Anal Hygiene 101’ and some quick information about the topic on hand. 

“It seems fine,” Kiyoomi mumbles as he scrolls through the webpage.

He skipped the try it first solo part and went directly to the hygiene tips. Sakusa encountered new words like _enema_ and _double-dipping —_ which doesn’t apply to him or his partner because there’s no vagina involved. To his surprise, the webpage is quite informative and it has simple vector animations to make it easier to understand. 

The site also sells products that were constantly mentioned while he was reading its content, and without wasting any time Kiyoomi chose the complete hygiene bundle and it’s not because it’s all there, but because it has an UV sterilizer, and it's a big check for our resident germaphobe. 

Problem is should he be the one cleaning his hole or Hinata, or the both of them, ‘cause they can switch if both parties agreed, and if it’s only Shouyou, should he tell him days before, however the surprise won’t be a surprise anymore. Knowing Hinata too, he may have cleansed it properly every single time. Right now, Sakusa’s in a chain of endless questions on how he can execute his plan perfectly. 

* * *

Packages don’t always come early if they're shipped internationally, but luckily Kiyoomi’s did come a couple of days before _the_ day. The carton box is now sitting on his bed, still unopened yet unwrapped from the bubble wraps it came with and he chose to leave it like for forty-eight hours more. He decided after much thinking that he’ll just inform Shouyou about his gift after their dinner in Hajime— a 3-star Michelin restaurant in Osaka. 

Kiyoomi fixes his mask and is about halfway out of the door to buy medical gloves, lube, and _condoms_ , yes, as in plural, until Shouyou calls for him from their living room, “Omi-san, I’m gonna clean my room today, do you want me to vacuum yours?” 

“Sure,” Sakusa absentmindedly answers, “I’m gonna go out, be back before dinner.” He did not wait for Shouyou to answer and immediately went to get his car in the basement of their apartment building.

As he opens the door of his car, he remembers the receipt and waybill of the package that he left on top of the bundle’s box which clearly states its content.

“Fuck.” Sakusa mutters under his breath and quickly runs back to his apartment, hoping that Shouyou hadn't seen it yet or opened his room. Luckily, he sees Hinata still in his own bedroom, whistling happily while wiping the accumulated dusts from the bookshelf. 

“Forgot something?” Shouyou asks as he notices Kiyoomi panting in front of his door.

“Yeah,” Sakusa walks toward Hinata and bends down a little to kiss the top of his head, “my goodbye kiss, I forgot.” The simple act made his boyfriend blush. For the second time, he bid his farewell, but he checked his room first and threw away the evidence he previously forgot. 

Finally, everything is in order.

_Or so he thought._

* * *

  
  


_It’s the day._

“Happy Birthday, Hinata,” Kiyoomi greets his lover with a gentle smile and soft eyes as he reaches for his hand on their table, “I hope you liked our dinner.”

Shouyou sweetly smiled back, “Thank you for this, Omi-san, I love it.”

“Shall we check out now?” Hinata nods and a few minutes later, they’re both out of the restaurant and headed to the hotel Sakusa also booked.

The ride is awkwardly silent, until Kiyoomi opens his mouth, “I think I saw an ice cream shop,” Shouyou hums in response, “do you want to eat one right now? You can consider it as your cheat day today.”

“That sounds nice, but—” Hinata looks directly at Kiyoomi, whose eyes are solely focused on the road as he is driving, and reaches out his hand to his thigh, “ I’m still full, and I thought maybe we can do _presents_ first.”

Sakusa gulps and glanced at Hinata for a quick second before answering him, “Ah, there’s actually something I have to tell you about your gift.”

“You mean before you _give it to me_.” 

“Yes,” Kiyoomi paused until he realized something about Shouyou’s tone, “wait, why did you say it like that?” his eyes widened as he fully understand that his boyfriend might actually know his plan, “do you—”

“Yup.” Hinata quickly said, “I know your present to me, Omi-san.”

“H-how?” Sakusa panics, “did Atsumu and Bokuto tell you? I swear I’m gonna tape their mouths tomorr—”

“No,” his ginger boyfriend chuckles as he tell Kiyoomi on how he figured it all out, “ I somehow overheard you weeks ago when you asked me to run for an errand, that’s why I loudly dangled my keys, so you’ll know that I’m there... and the receipt of your package, I actually saw it before you returned panting in my room because apparently you forgot about it, and not my forehead kiss,” Shouyou squeezed Sakusa’s thigh, “you’re not as good as you think you are in terms of keeping secrets, Omi-san.”

“I guess I’m not.” Kiyoomi nervously smiles back.

“So that bundle,” Hinata seductively rolled the words on his mouth, “is that for me to use or yours?”

Sakusa Kiyoomi swallows the non-existent bump on his throat, _he thinks he’s in danger_. 

**Author's Note:**

> THE SITE MENTIONED EXISTS AND PRACTICE CLEAN AND SAFE SEX EVERYONE!
> 
> Kudos are highly appreciated.  
> Leave a comment if you liked it :)


End file.
